I’m angry today

I’m angry today.

At you at the world

just angry and simmering deep

a boiling vat of lava in my soul

I’ve been angry for decades now

swooping black crows screaming

pecking out your eyes with loud slurps

tearing at your heart with sharp beaks

hurting you, just hurting you

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My curse

Fire burning in my veins, a choice to

lose that lies, disdains. A truth, a

fact that no one knows. This

life, this curse, it always shows.

 

Struggle to deny the pain, a

surface of unending rain that

drizzles tears and mends the gaps of

blackness where the anger traps my rage and

moans in corners bare and cold.

I Don’t Know

I don’t know what to write or feel or speak

So here I am

Writing

Not even sure what I’m writing

Maybe the noises in my head will cease

or continue until I go so mad that even my screaming is

silent.

 

Megara

The love of man for man and not for girl, a story told around the world

Given to one to wed and bore and losing it all like a worthless whore

So love is the story of the Greeks and Gods while women

Suffer and get thrown aside never to get or give or will.

Eve

Yes, I held the apple, bit its juicy flesh,

Chewed that coarse, harsh innard.

Yes, I handed it to him, I

Begged he take a bite. Wrongness is so

Lonely.

Knowing wrongness lonelier still.

I remember seeing myself and him, I

Remember thinking that my feelings were

Wrong but right and it confused me. I

Wanted to know more; I wanted to see more.

Running in shame, bare feet on harsh earth.

Serpent all but forgotten.

Hand in hand, breath in breath, fear in fear.

All but forgotten.

Innocence is bliss, I say, and now the saying is

Known, for now I live with every

Birth, and know they will all be gone.

Bathsheba

Oh, I wish I had never sat on that cursed roof.

A man who owned the world, in his mind, owned me outright.

To see what he wants and then reach out and grab it. How nice to be man, how nice.

His world already golden, his hairs barely gray.

Oh, I wish I had the power to keep my men alive.

A man who I loved dearly sent to his death, a man I barely knew dying from my womb

To curse the man who wanted everything and got it without initial thought

His cries of remorse and shame unheard on my ears.

Oh, I wish I could curdle his blood with my lips and fingers,

A man who has everything but still wants more,

To see his children running happily and plan the future throne,

How I wish I’d known, How I wish I’d known.

Medical care

I can’t believe that I’m going to have to rack up medical bills again and most likely file bankruptcy again after this one is done with. I don’t know what else to do – I need the medical care but can’t afford insurance. I hate doing this. Doc wants me to get a CT scan and ultrasound and some other tests. We are trying to figure out the origin of this constant pain. But, in order to get these tests, I’m going to have to get billed for something I can’t pay back, realistically, unless they will take like five bucks a month, which will take forever to pay (and I can’t afford to pay them each five bucks a month either), but maybe I can at least do that. A little is at least something, right?